41. video backdated to the 25.

[childrenoflilim]

[the room is dark although sunlight is streaming through the window.  those good with technology will quickly realize its due to the horrible video quality, but the random spurts of static and constant low-pitched whine will make it more than apparent to others.  something big is screwing the stream.  'something big' may be shinji, currently huddled in a corner with his hands over his ears and seeming as if he's in real physical pain or it could be the flashes of words and phrases embedded in the static if one listens closely enough.  whatever the case, be cautious.

and expect more than you bargained for.]

((OOC: if you haven't read up on shinji's virus capabilities, do so here, and be sure say what is and is not okay!  and by 'flashes of words and phrases', i mean something like this.))

Comments

[redheadcarrier]

[Asuka shudders and her head goes down, buried against her legs. She doesn't want to talk about this. She feels naked and vulnerable and hideously exposed and she hates it. Just like she hated the last time. It makes her feel weak. And what good is Shinji going to do anyway?]

Go away.

[It isn't really an answer to his question. It's just a statement. A demand.]

[childrenoflilim]

[shinji--small, four years old, and smiling a victorious predator's smile--stands at her knee while shinji--still so small, nearly sixteen, and so, so tired--stares blankly at his double and tormentor.]

You're lying, [says the younger,] You'll hate yourself even more if he really left.

[redheadcarrier]

No I won't!

[Asuka snaps, screaming at the image.]

He doesn't actually care about me! All he's doing is trying to make himself feel better about running away again and again! I don't need him!

[childrenoflilim]

[shinji smiles wider than ever and speaks his words slow as if to relish them,] But does he need you?

[redheadcarrier]

Why should I care? He's just Shinji!

[She covers her ears with her hands, face buried against her knees.]

Leave me alone!

[childrenoflilim]

[they have arrived.

shinji goes from sitting in darkness to standing on a light-flooded stage in the blink of an eye. an audience of several hundred could fit the room, but there is only one chair set. only one could enjoy this performance of a lifetime.

[redheadcarrier]

[Why is she here? Why is this happening to her? It's like Third Impact all over again, it's like having that thing shatter her self-image and drag her secrets into to the light for all to see.

It's horrific and terrible and she cannot look away, because a part of her wants to see if Shinji Ikari is still the horrible little boy he used to be.]

[childrenoflilim]

I am the Shinji Ikari that lives in Asuka Langley Soryuu's mind, [he beings.] I am 14 and useless. I run from everything. People are tools to make me feel better about myself. And I will take everything Asuka loves because I can. She'll be alone and I'll be happy.

[a pause.]

Please, speak to me. Your voice is one that I've always known. Don't leave me here alone.

Please.

[redheadcarrier]

What do you want from me?

[Asuka screams in the mockery of the theater. The darkness seems to swallow up the sound, make it sound smaller than it should be. What does Shinji want from her? What does he want her to say? And what right does he have to do this to her?

She squeezes her eyes shut, hands balled into fists in her lap.]